You may find this post has little point or no directional thread. Though I usually write from a place of sharing inspiration, this post may not be even that but perhaps it will be a jumping off point for some of you to begin to accept who you are and love the gifts you have been given.
I hear and see so much pain, fear and suffering these days. Facebook posts are either depressing or a fantasy of hope of good things to come. Some inspire telling us, in truth your good is here now. Stop looking ahead, behind and to either side to find it. It has always been with you and is there inside of you now.
I experience so much practicing energy awareness, if this is a proper term. I have become uncomfortable with the terms, healer, teacher, energy practitioner. It is as though these terms set me apart from others, when in truth we are all healers, teachers and practitioners. I find it arrogant to think my experience of the energy that surrounds us all is superior to the experiences of others.
So at this point in my life, I find I have no title. I have taken classes that offer me titles such as Stress Management Consultant, Book of Life Specialist, Delegate of the Light, Reiki Master..... none of which feel comfortable these days. Raised in the United Church, attending Catholic services for 10 years, studying Angels, Wicca, Shamanism, Energy Medicine and Reiki as well as varied holistic modalities over the past 25 years has provided me with a balance and blend of interesting beliefs.
I take note of what seems to make people happy. For some happiness comes in terms of money, for others it is their health, others look to their spouse or children to make them happy, children expect their parents to make them happy. For some happiness is elusive, completely related to how successful they feel in their jobs. Others use a happy exterior to cover the pain they carry inside. So what is happy? It is a question I have been asking for about 47 years now, as I made a youthful promise to make the world a happier place, if only I could be happy.
For years I blamed God, because I could not find this elusive attribute. I practiced the fake it til you make it approach, and after years of faking it realized that approach was just too much work with very little gain. Yes, I had moments. Moments when I thought, "This is it!" "I've made it.". Yet when I blinked it disappeared in an instant.
I knew I was happiest when outside with trees, birds, flowers and bright blue skies, and learned that shamanism was about finding our connection to Source through nature. The thought of Angels brought a feeling of peace, so I studied and experienced what they offered in terms of joy. Reiki fell into my life, giving me the experience of allowing energy to flow, without having to be in control. At first this was scary, for my control freak personality, but it became the catalyst for discovering that joy and happiness do not come from external sources, or events occurring around me. In fact I discovered happiness was easier to reach when I was alone. So how could I take this happiness of solitude out into the world?
In the process of taking it out into the world, I discovered I could not make others happy just because I had found that inner joy for myself. It is impossible to make another happy. This itself made me feel quite sad for a while, and in fact I still fall into helplessness at times when I see so much pain and suffering in the world. There are many reasons some just can't seem to find the sparkle in life. It may be clinical, drug induced, hormone related, and multiple medical reasons. For some it is a belief they are not worthy of happiness, and others just don't know what they would talk about if they had no reason to complain.
I understand many of the reasons, having experienced them for myself. I even understand those who now avoid me because they just can't handle someone being happy through loss and depressing economic times. I can only apologize. It is not that I do not have compassion for your misery. It is just I find more strength in faith and trust, than in pity and tears. Somewhat selfish perhaps.
For those who suffer for medical reasons I hold out hope you will find good therapies, the right medications to balance your hormones and chemistry. I pray you will continue to seek within to find the connection, helping you to be the joyful person you are inside. I support you in your acceptance of the life you have chosen. I commend you for sharing your journey so others will know they are not alone, and most all be inspired to seek help and support on their own journey. You are my heroes. I believe what many of you feel is a curse, is really a gift which Spirit knows you are strong enough to carry.
There are spaces reserved in my heart for those who are no longer with me in this life. I will not mourn their passing for I know they are still with me. I miss them, yes and yet recognize how much closer I can be with them than before they passed.
I do feel sympathy for the concerns people have right now for loss of jobs, loss of security. Or at least loss of the security they believe is important. Changing times are always scary when we believe houses, cars, boats, and bank accounts are what is important. (Personally, I am just checking to make sure I have enough money to buy plane fare to a beautiful beach. If I am homeless, I think a beach would be better than an unyielding sidewalk.) I say this not to make fun of your fear, but in all seriousness. There really is a bright side to be seen.
Those who used to sell horse and buggies must have suffered the same fear when cars became the newest means of travel. Our railways have lost significance to air travel. Many of our parents suffered the dirty 30's - even more significant is the fact that they survived. This generation also came through at least one if not two world wars and the Russian cold war. How many small farmers were engulfed by big farming operations, there way of life changed forever?
The biggest thing of note is SURVIVAL. It is what we do. We can choose to survive through suffering, or survive in thanks. We can move forward in faith and joy, choosing peace rather than greed and anger. We can inspire rather than try to bring others down, just because we are unhappy. We can support and work together.
No we can't make others happy, yet if we are happy our energy swirls through the atmosphere. If we are peace that too is carried on the wind. If we are strong in the face of our troubles, that strength will carry another.
So it is okay that I have no title. A title is not required. Making others happy is not my job. Being happy though is my responsibility. It is my choice. It is who I am. If I can inspire others to choose to be who they are, without embarrassment or apology, that is all that matters. You may be born to be peace, to be prosperity, to be the embodiment of health. You may be born to be the role model for those who struggle with health and happiness. It does not matter. Your label does not represent your goodness. Only what is inside and what you share with the world matters.
The more work I do as a "healer" and "teacher" the more I love and respect those who reach beyond the label the world has put on them. I see within each person I meet a spark of the Divine who has given us purpose through our creation. If only we could accept the part we were given to play, instead of constantly striving to play the parts of others.
Today I accept and allow myself to just be, knowing no matter what happens in the world, I will be guided and directed to do the next good thing I was created to do.
Thank you to all who have been part of this journey. May we continue to travel together learning from each other, inspiring and supporting through the best of times, yet to come.
